Azcool (azcool) wrote,
Azcool
azcool

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Retalitation

*Sigh* So it begins. My feelings for my ex have all but diminished into complete apathy. I don't hate him nor do I wish any ill will upon him. I still have concern for his well being but I don't care for him as a person as much. When I look at him there is a phrase that comes to mind. "You are my ex nothing more nothing less, it would be in error that you assumed me to be your friend." I say that not to be mean or spiteful but to acknowledge a certain truth about this situation. Friends hang out, they talk and enjoy each others company. Friends communicate and take interest in each others lives, fears, concerns, hopes, & joys... He doesn't exhibit any of these traits. He spends time at his 'beni-friends' house or out wondering the streets. The improvement in his overall personality is discouraging at best. Despite all his comments to the contrary he has displayed no genuine interest in pursuing any type of evolved living that could remotely be confused for societal norm. He struggles so much to be independent but yet he rejects the burden and responsibility required for such a life. He clings to the juvenile way of living where everything is care free and friends will always be there no matter what. This isn't always the case. This is real life and people have tolerances. Its clear to me that he really doesn't understand what selflessness is or true compassion. If he did he would realize how much I put into ensuring he gets the best opportunity to succeed. I feel like a disheartened parent looking at their child's life and wondering where I went wrong... What could I have done better?... I have so much hope in him to be the person he wants to be but my faith in his ability, better, his drive and resolve to get there....well thats something else. I don;t wish to over-shadow his accomplishments with his failures, for he has made some pretty big accomplishments but how do you compare the height of a river to that of a mountain?... Both are strong and notable in their own rite but hardly comparable. I pray that in time he will realize just how short and delicate and fragile this life is. And perhaps in that he will also understand, despite my resilience, how fragile I am.
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