Azcool (azcool) wrote,

  • Mood:

Man Or Machine

The alarm clock sounds and awake I find my self suddenly laying, staring at the ceiling. Watching blanking as my ceiling fan rotates steadily. Without even giving thought to why or what-for I am up and on my way to the bathroom. So begins my normal day. Take a shower, brush my teeth, get dressed, make breakfast and I'm out the door. Going through my day with as little brain power as possible as little me as can be achieved and still manage to be present during the points that count. Almost machine like I exist on autopilot. Actions so well known that I can be a million miles away and still perform them effortlessly and with precision. Where am I? Where do I exist in the midst of this scheduled, regimented life? Am I more man or machine?

I feel so trapped, so suffocated by my life, by my everyday actions, chores, and responsibilities. Its not me. Its not who I am. There's but only a sliver of my spirit, my soul in anything I do throughout an ordinary day. I feel Like I'm losing myself to my "life" as its required of me, as its expected of me. I miss the juvenile days not because of youth but because of freedom of self. The Identity I had then and the person I was then. I knew myself. I liked myself and I was confident in myself then. Now, I couldn't identify myself from any other working drone if I tried.
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